Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Randomize
