We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
