I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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