just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
