who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
