Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
he was CRYING into my vagina
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
