wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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