My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
