It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
