If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i love accidental penises.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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