I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
