But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Randomize
