She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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