yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
