sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
someone owes me an orgasm
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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