True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
there was a trapeze. enough said
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
