Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
