Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
