Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
