But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
