I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
