i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
