i think i have two assholes
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
