Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
