Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
