we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
