i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
