You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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