Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
