I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
