Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
