I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
