Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Randomize
