I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
