I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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