literally had 100 drinks last night.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
