If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We need to get me chipped asap
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