You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
