If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
