she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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