Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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