Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
