Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
