I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Ketchup is God's man juice
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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