Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
