dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
