Your mouth is God's brothel.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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