I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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