I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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