I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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