dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
