i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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