The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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