Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
